New Feminism

 I was home with Lavinia today because she was sick. She has had a fever for 4 days now and has missed the entire week of school. When I heard I was to spend all morning with her I was dreading it. I had things I wanted to get done and I was supposed to go into Amsterdam with a friend to retrieve my airpods and stop in a muesuem. However, instead I found myself trapped inside with a 9 year old. 

By noon, the desire to do much else except be trapped in this home sounded very unappealing. Within this home, within being needed and caring for another person I tend to thrive. I loved checking in on her and making little conversation about whether her pillow was propped up just right or her toes were cold. I loved making her a cozy corner next to me on the couch where we read together and sipped our tea and coffee. We took buzz-feed quizzes and when we got bored I pulled out the various cookbooks on the shelf. We flipped through the pages oh'ing and ah'ing at the healthy but delicious salads, tarts, and pasta. 

She asked if I would make her some muffins and it was my joy to do so. I got up switched over the laundry and headed for the kitchen. I gathered all my required ingredients. When I saw we didn't have everything required for Gwenth Paltrow's recipe I was not one bit worried. At this point, I have spent a good bit of time in the kitchen and one thing I can do is figure out a substitute. I turned on my baking playlist which ranges from Elton John to Blake Shelton and began mixing, measuring, and singing. 

We had no baking powder, so I added lemon juice. We ran out of maple syrup so I used honey. And in the end I created a delicious Vegan Banana Date Walnut Muffin (recipe below)

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I tied up my space and delivered the finished product to Lavinia along with a spinach blueberry smoothie. I felt prideful, I felt content, I felt empowered. I felt like a capable woman. 

While my actions would be labeled that of a "trad wife" I had never felt more like a feminist. 

In my eyes, I feel feminism has taken a turn. When feminism first came around it was about dismantling the patriarchy, allowing us into the workforce, showing we can be "girl bosses". Now we have done far more than that. We have proved ourselves not only in the workforce but in all sectors of life. And I believe to be a feminist that does not mean I must feed into the idea that everyone must now overachieve to be seen as capable, do extra work to make it on top, or be chained to a desk when that is not my calling. Feminism fed to us that to be an active member you have to shave your head or girl boss your way up the corporate ladder. All just a scheme to get more people into the rat race. 

Now women are realzing we don't have to do this. We made it and we see all that is wrong with a society structured this way. Some women chose to stay and are now activily combatting and creating a more inclusive and equal work culture. While others may choose to take their feminism elsewhere. 

Feminism has now morphed into the newfound ability for women to choose and live their own independent lives. Being a feminist is choosing and creating autonomy over one's life. 

In today's day in age, it feels almost looked down upon for women to want to care for others, to enjoy being at home and cooking in the kitchen. To desire to be ever-present and steady for her children and husband. To see beauty in managing a home and keeping a family together. On one hand, working moms scoff at the moms who stay home while the moms who stay home tend to complain of their long list of duties and not wanting to do them. Feminism has now lost its definition as women pen one another against each other. Demonizing one another and saying there is only one way to be a modern feminist. 

For me, I believe I want nothing more but for women to run this world. For women to feel empowered. However, many forget that alot of women get this feeling through traditional gender roles. Of course, I see the harm in this. I see the damage these ideals and this lifestyle have locked many women into. However, as a woman, I bare so much. Why should I now bear the responsibility of denying my joy so the patriarchy does not yet win again? 

Is it not just as a feminist of me to look into the mirror and choose myself in whatever form that may be? I am not saying I now want to be locked at home making muffins all day or even ever be a stay-at-home mom, but when did we stop allowing these women into the joy that is the feminist community? When did we allow feminism to be an exclusive elitist club?

I believe feminism is now much more about the individual women's journey rather than the collective wholes. That now requires each women to champion one another on regardless the differences in our choices.